Our relationship did not last that much long. It wasn’t destined to. It all ended badly with Espen losing his life and I myself being contested and warred for by his friends and cousins to be their next girlfriend. I hate to admit it. But as much as I hate it, I just have to acknowledge it. I feel like I am assuredly nice-looking. Beautiful even. No, I am not stuck- up or self-seeking or self-praising. I am not. At times I do look this plain and terribly ugly in the mirrors and photos—I cringe away from giant mirrors that make me look rather irregular and foreign, and at other times, I am this lovely and adorable. I don’t get. How does beauty behave? Do we have it in one moment and then in another second it slips away just like that? That is what it seems like. ***Flashback*** ‘Mommy, am I beautiful?’ ‘Yes, sweetheart, you are!’ ‘Then why don’t you allow me to go out on dates with boys I like just like the other girls do?’ My mother, with a very disappointed and frightened face,. Even though I'm eighteen I often dressed like I was still twelve for I didn't want boys' attention unlike my younger sister. Sometimes her outfits even turned my older brother's head which set a little twinge of jealousy. But I don't think I could brazeningly dress up like a slut in halter tops and mini skirts like my sister did even when we were just going to go shopping for groceries. And she was only twelve! People often mistake her for being the eldest sister when we go out together because she dressed like girls from my school while I dressed more like her age group should dress. But she didn't quite have the figure I had for she was still growing. I often laugh when boys hit on her then comment on her small, barely budding breasts. My breasts weren't very big either. I wore 32B's which compared to some girls of my size and shape were small. Today I walked down to the kitchen and got myself a bowl of cereal when I heard my brother make a low whistle behind me. At first.
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